Define Dysfunction
by Kurosin
Summary: Naruto Uzumaki must survive an all-boys school with his sanity, and virginity, in tact. YAOI. Several pairings. Genre: Humor, action, romance, drama & angst. Rated T - M.
1. Prologue

**Define Dysfunction**

**Summary: One very straight Naruto attending one very NOT straight all-boys boarding school...this is gonna be one long year.**

**I'm sure this concept has been overused, but I couldn't resist!**

**Many YAOI pairings. You have been warned!**

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Prologue

**Welcome Dattebayo. You are invited to an IM conversation.**

The blue eyed blonde blinked, rubbing his left eye. Now who could that be? He knew few people, other than his guardian, who had his e-mail.

He scrolled the mouse over **ACCEPT** and clicked.

**TooDamnTroublesome:** Hey.

Surprisingly, it was none other than Shikamaru Nara.

"Funny, he usually doesn't get up until the early afternoon...heh, sleeps in longer than me." Naruto thought aloud. Not that anyone would hear him. Iruka was downstairs, preparing a hearty breakfast to "see Naruto off with" as he'd phrased it.

**Dattebayo:** hey shikamaru!

**TooDamnTroublesome:** Surprised you're still there.

No matter how lazy his best friend was, he always took the time to not misspell anything. Then again, that's why he got such high marks in school...with the exception of P.E. That was Naruto's forte.

**Dattebayo:** nope im leaving in soon tho coming to see me off?

**TooDamnTroublesome:** No. I've got school, remember? We already threw you a going away party last night.

**Dattebayo:** oops sry :P

**TooDamnTroublesome:** Troublesome.

**Dattebayo:** so then why did you message?

**TooDamnTroublesome:** I just wanted to tell you some things I've been hearing.

**Dattebayo:** like what?

**TooDamnTroublesome:** Rumors. Mostly about that school you're going to.

**Dattebayo:** what about it?

**WhispersSweet has entered the room.**

**WhispersSweet:** Erm...Naruto-kun?

**Dattebayo:** oh hi Hinata! wat were u saying shikamaru?

**TooDamnTroublesome: **Ah, nevermind. I have to get going. I'll talk to you later, Naruto.

**TooDamnTroublesome has left the room.**

**Dattebayo:** wat was that about?

**WhispersSweet has left the room.**

**Dattebayo:** Hinata? anybody??

Naruto took this as a sign to log off, since his two friends had left him hanging all alone. He sighed, turning off the laptop on his desk before taking it to one of his two suitcases to pack. "What was that all about? Ah well, couldn't be that serious." He wondered aloud.

Naruto then looked about the room before running down the stairs to meet his guardian.

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_If only I could use the laptop on here... _He thought, looking out the window to his left. All he could see beyond the plane's wing was cloud. 

He sighed, looking into his lap before laying back and reclinging his chair. This flight should only last for a few more hours...beats sitting in a car for 9. Even if the whining from a nearby kid begging his mother for a soda was a bit nerve wracking.

Naruto slowly fell into a deep slumber, reminiscing on his only two school friends back at home; Shikamaru and Hinata...his since-childhood crush, Sakura-chan...and his guardian Iruka. It had taken awhile to say goodbye to him...since he wouldn't let go of the short blonde for a good hour, almost causing him to miss his flight.

He'd gotten so zoned into his thoughts, that before he realized it, the child's whining had died away. He slowly drifted in and out of conciousness, enjoying the humming of the window as he lay his head to rest on it. _Good time as any to have a nap...now I know why Shikamaru enjoys it so much...hm...wonder what kind of school it is..._

**To Be Continued.**


	2. Welcome to Konoha Academy

**Define Dysfunction**

**Silly me. I forgot to put up the DISCLAIMER!! -shiftily looks around for lawyers- I do not own Naruto or ANY of it's characters...oh god, it pains me to say that! -eye twitch- But at least I won't be sued!  
Lawyer 1: -cries-  
Lawyer 2: There, there. We'll get the next one!**

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**Chapter One: Welcome to Konoha Academy**

Naruto took in the scenery about him with much gratitude as he stepped off the city bus. He was happy to be free from such a cramped, stuffy place. Though, the loud mouthed blonde wasn't one to mind crowds and was far from being closterphoebic.

The only sound on the street was the wheels of his two suitcases clattering across the crosswalk, as he passed with a few others that seemed to be heading the same way.

Once he got to the street he needed to be, the two guys trailing close behind, Naruto crumpled up the instructions Iruka had written on a sheet of paper, and stuffed it into his orange cargo pants.

"This must be it, then." He mumbled to himself, staring down the open wrought iron gates at the old victorian styled school. _Sort of high class...but a normal looking school other than that. Nothing to sweat about._ _Homey, even._

Naruto sighed in relief. He expected some five story Country Club setup.

He peered past the old gate, spying newer looking buildings besides the main structure.

"You new there, kid?" One of the nameless strangers asked. He and his friend looked a few years older than him...and much taller.

Naruto nodded. "Yeah. Aren't you?"

The one closest to him laughed, beginning to walk away with his buddy. "No, of course not! Good luck, though. You're gonna need it!"

They both waltzed away, laughing.

Naruto blinked curiously, raising an eyebrow. _Good luck? _He peered back to the old school. _Is this place really all that hard?_

A flock of crows errupted from the roof, when a hight pitched wail rang out the front courtyard. Naruto quickly clasped a hand on each ear until it stopped. It took a moment for him to regain his senses once the unbearable sound finally came to an end. By this time, the face of the school was already becoming packed with students.

Picking up a suitcase, Naruto wheeled it towards the double doors. _All right, enough sight-seeing. I'd better find the damn office before I have to endure the sound of...that **bell **again. If you could call it that!_

Naruto took this time, through his mental rant, to notice quite a few of the outdoor inhabitant's eyes on him. A few who passed even stopped their chatting time enough for a short hello or wave before proceeding in the opposite direction, still keeping their unwavering stare on him.

"Um..." Naruto waved, muttering to himself through his trademark grin. "Jeeze, people are sure nice here."

He finally ascended up the steps, and to the large doors. Placing a hand on the handle, he was interrupted by a lighthearted voice (Guess! C'mon, you know!)

"Wait! Hey, goldie!"

"_Goldie_?" Naruto turned to the voice. He's never been called that before...maybe Blondie, but Goldie?

He stared in surprise at the green suited boy sprinting towards him. He seemed to glide up the steps, four at a time, holding a very familiar suitcase above his head.

Surprisingly, the run didn't leave him the least bit out of breath as he came to a stop besides our hero.

"I have sucessfully retrieved this for you, Goldie! You really shouldn't lay your posessions around! There's no telling what kind of bad intended fiends could be lurking about...of course not at this school, but anywhere else and you would surely be in trouble!" He dropped the suitcase besides Naruto's other one.

The black haired, black eyed, stranger who held the slight appearance of a turtle, but the energy of a horse, held a fist in the air for emphasis.

"Who are you?!" Naruto blinked, pointing. A habit that'd usually only come up once he met a very unusual person.

The boy didn't seem to mind nor notice. "Glad you asked! I am..."

Somehow the courtyard had disappeared into an ocean. Naruto looked about him, wondering if how he was doing that.

The strange teen stood on a large rock, the waves crashing about him, as he flashed the cheesiest grin whilst pointing into the sun setting sky. "The green beast of Konoha Academy for boys, ROCK LEE, apprentice of MAITO GAI!!"

Naruto stared, dumbfounded, as the scenery faded back to normal. He sweatdropped when Lee struck an even weirder pose.

"Lee, stop scaring the new guy with your dramatic introductions." A pale skinned, and even paler eyed, guy with long black hair and just a bit taller than Lee came up behind him, snaking an arm around his neck.

Lee pouted, crossing his arms. "He doesn't mind! Right, Goldie?"

"Er...right." Naruto rubbed the back of his head.

"See?" He replaced his hands to his hips once again.

The white eyed stranger shook his head, his gaze falling to Naruto.

Naruto almost jumped. _And I thought he was blind for a minute there...then why's his eyes so white?_

"So, will you be introducing yourself as well, _Goldie_?" He repeated.

Naruto almost took offense to this, but nodded, not showing any sign the guy intimidated him...not that he did or anything. "Uzumaki Naruto."

He nodded, slipping the smallest smiles as he took Naruto's hand in greeting. "Hyuuga Neji." He slipped away from Lee. "I have some things to do. Show him around, will you." It wasn't meant to be a question.

"Will do!" Lee beamed, taking up one of Naruto's suitcases

Guys like that really ticked Naruto off. Suave with their noses constantly higher than others. But since today was his first day, and he really didn't feel like making any enemies right away, he kept his mouth shut as Lee practically dragged him into the halls.

"Too bad. You arrived too late to start class today!" Lee said, his ever eager back to Naruto.

_He said it like that's a bad thing._ Naruto thought, his eyes darting along the halls. Nope, nothing extraordinary there. It seemed like a normal school all around. Even the plain white and black uniforms were the usual...he was almost disappointed, to say the least. I mean, his old school had at least some excitement (mainly the cheerleaders). Maybe this plain world he's entered seems so gray from lack of the female body.

Naruto wanted to cry. In fact, he let a single tear slide down his cheek.

A whole year without his beloved Sakura!

Lee finally found the office. It took him a few minutes past his constant yammering about fitness and the school's history to notice the usually perky blonde was lagging behind. He then notices his downtrodden face.

"Naruto, are you alright?"

He looked to the ceiling in an overly dramatic fashion, only to see the image of a pink haired woman smiling at him.

_Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?!

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**To Be Continued.**


	3. Roommates and Muscle Shirts

**Define Dysfunction**

**Omg, 14 reviews in two chapters!! XD Cookies for all!**

**And to reviewers who are wondering why no one is hitting on Naruto just yet, it's simple! Sure he's great eye candy, but in order to have a band of fanboys, like Sasuke does, he has to prove that he's more than just rediculously good looks! lol

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**Chapter Two: Roommates and Muscle Shirts**

"And here is your room! Mine's just across the hall!" Lee pointed directly behind the blonde, who turned around to stare at the green suited boy's door, then his own.

"105, huh." Naruto shook and twisted the handle with his newly acquired keys.

It was pretty plain...or at least a divided side of it was. The other side had a folded up black bed with a few band posters here and there. At the foot of the bed was a moving, sweating, figure which Naruto revealed to be a raven haired man, he estimated only a few inches taller, with dark silver eyes wearing a similarly colored grey muscle shirt that tightened with each thrust.

Lee clasped a hand on each cheek at the sight of him, his eyes shining. Naruto raised an eye at him, not noticing the admiration. "And why is there a sweaty guy lifting weights in here?"

Lee looked at Naruto, snapping out of his gaze. "Oh...er, Naruto, this is your roommate, Sasuke!"

Naruto looked from Lee to this Sasuke character, then back at Lee, who looked to Sasuke with a smile. "You know we have a great gym, Sasuke, and a workout room."

"I prefer privacy," Sasuke shot back, not giving him a second glance. "For occasions like this."

Lee lowered his glance with a sad sigh.

Guys like this really rubbed Naruto the wrong way. Sure, he was into 'body sculpting' as Sakura had called it (of course he'd remember) as much as the next guy, but treating people like crap when they were only trying to help out is arrogant. Guys like this that were so used to being pampered and given what they want without so much as repeating themselves...he hated guys like that!

"Oy, _Sasuke-teme_."

This caused glances not only from the desired target, but Lee as well. He seemed surprised.

Well, of course he was. Naruto guessed no one ever pushed this Sasuke down a peg or two, and it was about time!

Sasuke stared at Naruto, his eye twitching. "What was that, dobe?"

"You heard me!" But before Naruto could repeat himself, Lee began pulling the fuming blonde away.

"Naruto-kun, why don't we go see the principal now! I'm sure they want to speak with you as soon as they can!" He said.

"Oy, dobe." Sasuke interruped him, dropping the weight on the machine, he stood full length and glared across the room at our blonde hero. "How much can you press?"

Naruto looked past Lee with his usual bout of confidence. "Probably a whole lot more than you can!"

"Naruto-kun, I wouldn't-" Lee began, only to be ignored as invisible sparks flew.

"Then meet me in the weight room, one hour, and put your money where your mouth is." Sasuke smirked.

Naruto matched it perfectly. "Alright!"

Lee sighed, before perking up. The concern for his new friend forgotten. "A challenge it is, then!" He turned to Naruto, lowering his voice in caution. "You will have to learn the hard way...Sasuke's no pushover at athletics."

Naruto nodded.

Lee then gave a sparkling smile making a determined fist as he looked between them. "Then it's a date!"

Naruto raised an eyebrow, before being pulled to the hall forcefully by his arm.

_The first day, and already making friends. _Naruto thought sarcastically with a sigh. _So much for 'no creating enemies on the first day.'_

**To Be Continued.**


	4. Big Mouths and Bets

**Define Dysfunction**

**26 reviews!! -cue hallelujah chorus- You're all rewarded with...cyber pie! Oh, and another chapter of course.****

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**Chapter Three: Big Mouths and Bets**

To Naruto's surprise, and joy, the principal was a fairly young looking woman. She had long blonde hair and chestnut colored eyes, and sat in a very professional position wearing a very professional looking suit...only none of those things really caught Naruto's eye.

It was her gigantic double D sized knockers that Naruto couldn't tear his eyes away from.

He silently thanked the powers-that-be, who would make made such a woman principal at an all boys school.

"Mr.Uzumaki, are you listening?" She asked, raising a thin eyebrow.

"Huh?" Naruto blinked, finally returning her gaze.

She cleared her throat, pointing at her face when his eyes once again began to trail. "I was asking, _Uzumaki_, how you like our school so far."

Naruto shifted in his seat. He was sitting across from the woman behind a desk. She had a moderately sized office with a great view to the road and the rest of the city life. Clear view of the bridge, too...a sight he took to seeing at the moment, his ears turning red in slight emberassment. She must have noticed him staring.

"Er...well I haven't been here long enough to really know...I guess it's alright." He then remembered Sasuke, and a scowl formed on his face. "Only some people here need an attitude adjustment."

"I see you've met your roommate."

Naruto nearly fell out of his chair. How'd she guess??

She chuckled at the dumbfounded look on his face. "He doesn't get along well with others...though the students still seem to like him."

"I wonder why." Naruto mumbled, crossing his arms. He really did wonder just who could like a stuck up pretty boy like that?

"He's one of our top students, especially in athletics. A lot like his older brother...He's not so bad, just prefers his privacy." She went on.

"So I've heard." Naruto said bitterly. She didn't seem to notice.

"The thing is, and I'm going to be very out front with this, he's never reacted to anyone the way you have...never seen anyone, other than his brother, as a threat. Which is why it's strange he challenged you." She placed a finger on her chin thoughtfully and she turned to the window, hiding a somewhat mischevious smirk. "In fact, aren't you supposed to be in the gym right now?"

Naruto perked up, looking between her and the clock. "What kind of principal are you, baa-chan?"

A vein popped in Tsunade's forehead.

The next thing Naruto knew, he was flat against the wall across from the office.

"JUST GO!" A voice boomed from the office before the door slammed shut.

Lee looked up from his position in surprise. He seemed to be walking along the hallway on his hands. He jumped to his feet, hurrying over to Naruto's side. "Naruto-kun, are you all right?" He helped the swirly eyed teen up.

Once Naruto regained his composure, leaning on Lee for support"Jeeze, what crawled up that old hag's ass and died?"

The door slammed open.

"Come on, Shino, you're gonna miss the match," A brunette with red face paint on his cheeks lowered his voice so that the librarian at the desk couldn't hear. "I'm still selling tickets, y'know."

"Go away, mutt, I'm reading." Shino grumbled in response.

The teen sighed, patting the top of a puppy's head which popped up from his coat. "All right, suit yourself."

The dog began barking at the library's open double doors, causing Shino and the librarian's eyebrows to twitch in unison.

"Kiba..." Shino dug his nails into the book's cover.

Kiba ignored them, staring at the door curiously. "What's wrong, Akamaru?"

Just then, three of the loudest voices rang through the once quiet hall of books, attached to three different bodies.

"OLD HAG?!?! UZUMAKI, YOU HAD BETTER HOPE I DON'T CATCH YOU!!"

A small blur of orange shot past the doorway, followed by; "I'm sorry, Baa-chan, I didn't know you were so sensitive to your old age!"

A very pissed principal passed secondly, who, from Kiba's perspective seemed on fire.

"Naruto-kun, stop saying that! Tsunade-sama, he doesn't mean it!" The green smudge known as Lee trailed close behind.

The yells continued to echo until a slam and a loud 'OOW' was heard, signaling that the loud mouthed blonde had been caught.

Kiba turned to the moving

"Perhaps I _will_ watch." Shino sighed, plopping the book atop the oak table.

Kiba grinned, a hand made ticket already in hand. "Now you're talkin'!"

By now the librarian had given up all hope of a quiet library, thus had gone on a very long coffee break.

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Naruto rubbed his raw cheek. 

"Now..." Tsunade replaced her sleeve. "What do you call me?"

"Tsunade...sama?" Naruto whimpered, causing Lee's eyes to shine.

"Aw...Tsunade-sama, was it really necessary?" Lee said, busying himself by staring at Naruto's uber cuteness. "I mean-"

Tsunade shot him a look before crossing her arms and shutting her eyes. "So, we're here. This is the gym." She waved to the large green door.

The door which Lee snuggle up to and placed his arms across. "Yes, my and Gai-sensei's sanctuary!He lifted a leg, which oddly reminded Naruto of one of those romance scenes in the movies.

Naruto forgot the sting in his cheek, before turning to Tsunade. A very rare serious look on his face. "So...how tough is he?" He asked.

Tsunade turned to him. "Very. Of course, you're a man of your word, right? I can see in your eyes you'd got through with it even if you know you'd lose."

Naruto blinked, giving her another incredulous look. Really, was she psychic or something?

Naruto nodded before pushing past the door with that usual 'bout of Uzumaki confidence that's always present in our hero. He was determined to show this skinny pale kid just who's boss!

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"50 on Sasuke." Tsunade whispered to kiba, slipping him the money from behind. 

Lee frowned. "Tsunade-sama!"

**To Be Continued.**


	5. Round One

**Define Dysfunction**

Kurosin takes several beatings from the readers before continuing with the story...

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**Chapter Four: Round One**

"Welcome to the special challenge of strength: Sasuke vs. Naruto-kun! I'm your host, Rock Lee, the green beast of Konoha Academy for boys!"

There was an erruption of applause and whistling. Naruto looked around. All the bleachers had been lowered and were now filled with an endless sea of the male student body.

Naruto frowned. Not even one cheerleader. He remembers the cheerleaders at his old school (one in particular, actually). How their tiny skirts used to flare up to reveal _what lies beneath_(1). He remembered the school colors particularly. Red and blue. Simple, but of course not Naruto's favorite. Even to the pep rally he'd always be wearing something orange.

He remembered at his past highschool the big deal that everybody made out of the school colors. White and blue or red and white. They just decided on a combination of the three and left it at that.

Several of the banners among them held the name of that Sasuke punk, his face plastered at the end.

What? Do they plan his

"Alright!" Lee enthused, wiping sweat from his extremely large brow. "Let's get this started! In the very center of the gym is a large circle! The first event will be a wrestling match(2). Both fighters take your places on opposite sides of the ring!"

"Heh heh. Finally I get to punch this punk's face in!" Naruto grinned, cracking his knuckles before he approached the ring.

"Feh." Sasuke said in response, entering on the opposite side. He slipped off his shirt once in position.

Doing so revealed quite the lithe body(3), which in Naruto's surprise opinion, almost resembled a woman's...almost.

"Just going to sit there gawking all day, Uzumaki?" Sasuke asked with total sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"Uh..." Naruto evened his scowl, sticking his tongue out at the boy before removing his own hightlighter orange shirt which displayed a much tanner and only slightly more masculine chest in comparison to Sasuke's own. "You're going down, teme!" Naruto took a confident step towards him, getting into a fighting stance.

_This is definiately my playing field! I don't know why these people make such a big deal about this guy. It's obvious I'm stronger than he is!_ Naruto thought with total confidence, showing in his ocean blue eyes which immediately made the raven haired teen growl somewhere deep in his throat. Something about this guy really pissed him off.

As soon as the self-acclaimed referee signaled the start of the match, the two of them immediately began to circle one another. Never turning their back on the opponent.

As if it was some sort of sign to make the first move, Naruto decisively lunged at the pale boy. He attempted a head-on grapple, guessing he could just take this guy down with brute force.

Of course it's never as easy as that.

As if he'd anticipated such an approach from the 'simple minded' blonde, Sasuke easily roundabouted . He being quicker and more experienced in wrestling, effortlessly made it to the back side of Naruto and caught him in a chokehold. Naruto's much more of a football kind of guy, come to think of it.

"Agh, damn it." Naruto growled, trying to escape before he was caught. He only succeeded in slipping a hand in the way, before he had a chance to choke him to death.

"Give up?" He heard Sasuke say from behind.

"Already? Not a chance!" With some effort, Naruto finally managed to pry from Sasuke's hold, turning it around once again so that he was in dominance of the match.

Sasuke was, assumedly, pulled into a bone-crushing bear hug (which is apparantly an actual move in wrestling...(4) which quickly brought them to the floor and turned to a spinal lock (who knew Naruto watched the sport?).

Sasuke felt pain jolt up his spine, causing him to seethe and think of a way to escape the move.

Somehow freeing an arm, he pushed Naruto under him and twisted his arm behind his back and to his neck.

Naruto gave a small yelp from the sudden pain, which brought a smirk to Sasuke's lips (5). He's won.

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Naruto rubbed his shoulder, immediately going into a pout about how "Sasuke cheated" but apparently Tsunade-sama allowed pain compliance holds. 

_Damnnit! That means I have to win in the next two events or I'll never live this down...!_ "Still can't believe I lost..." Naruto mumbled in suck a cutesy way, that Lee couldn't help but poke his cheek.

He was so used to winning every single time at his old school, that it took a large toll on his pride now that he's met his match.

Naruto gave a weird look at Lee's retreating back before shaking his head and finally returning the cheesey grin to his face. "Of course I'll win! I'm Naruto Uzumaki!! I just have to try harder! Dattebayo(6)!!"

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**(1) -shudders- **

**(2) I know nothing about wrestling...just that when I was young I liked Sting...for some strange strange reason o.o' er...uh...wiki time!**

**(3) I guess I'm going with a more ukeish look for the boys, heh heh.**

**(4) Thank you wikipedia!**

**(5) Sasuke, you perv. Kukukukuku!**

**(6) Much much better than "BELIEVE IT". Just hope I did it right.**

**I was thinking of making this a more serious romance with only a little comic relief on the side. Not really ANGST persay. I just suck lemons at humor...not to mention I suck at lemons. But I'll still make one if this does become serious and I raise the rating!**


	6. Round Two

**Define Dysfunction**

Sorry. It's been a while since I've updated! I should probably update Seventh Sense as well...  
And I'll update this sooner next time! probably tomorrow since the next chapter's already typed! I need more reviews, though! reeeviiieeewwss!!  
Oh, right, and thanks to those who put this on alert and fave...and who reviewed! Cookie for you!

**Chapter Five: Round Two**

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"And now a test of our competitor's endurance!" Lee announced, sitting atop a lifeguard post.

A taller, older clone of the green suited boy (who now wore green swim trunks, as did he) cut in with another microphone. "They'll swim five laps! The winner is whoever makes it back first! Let's make this a good clean fight between rivals, you two!! That means no backstrokes or trying to drown one another!" His smile gleamed as he pointed to the roof, striking a pose.

This was trouble. First, Naruto just ate four bowls of ramen right after the first round...and secondly, he doesn't even know how to doggie paddle! If he sits still, he'll sink like a rock!

Now he stood to the side of the pool, a little aways from his newly made "acquaintances" in nothing but orange (of course) swim trunks.

"Er...Kiba, right?" Naruto asked. He was standing besides the brunette who was seated at the first row, his "creepy friend" (as Naruto called him) Shino besides him. He met Kiba only recently when he challenged Naruto to a ramen eating contest (which he regrets as of now) right after the first round. He was victor, of course, but that victory was dulled by the defeat he may face.

"Yeah. What's up?" Kiba asked, before smirking which revealed one of his sharp canines. "Not getting cold feet, are ya?"

"'Course not!" Naruto said indignantly. His determined face faltering just a bit as he carefully worded his next question. He didn't want it to sound like he was nervous...which he wasn't! "That punk, Sasuke...is he any good at this?" Naruto looked to the large pool.

"I don't know...I've honestly never seen Sasuke swim before." Kiba shrugged.

"Hm." Naruto nodded. So it was a 50/50 chance that Sasuke would be unexpectedly better than him at swimming...

But Naruto had to win! He would not be able to live this emberassment down...just the thought of that Uchiha's smug face after he lost...not to mention being the laughing stock of the whole school...the first day, too!

Naruto clenched his fists in determination. _I won't let that happen!_

"Competitors get to your marks!" Lee commanded in excitement.

Naruto walked to his lane, he and Sasuke exchanged glances in unison, which quickly turned to evenly matched glares.

"Get set...!"

They both bent their knees, preparing to dive, but not taking their eyes off the other...

"Go!"

The freezing pool hit Naruto before he had time to think. He opened his eyes a slit within the cerulean water, watching the dark outline of Sasuke slip further away. He finally pushed himself above the water, beginning to kick and push himself ever closer to the other side of the pool.

Within seconds he'd caught up to the Uchiha, who didn't give him a second glance as he touched the edge of the concrete and pushed himself back in the direction he came. Naruto copied this action, gaining an even pace with the raven haired teen.

It wasn't long before Naruto gained the upper hand. He was in the lead, and finishing his third lap. Sasuke was just starting his...

And then _it_ happened.

A cramp.

That was all it took to quickly turn the tables as Naruto immediately slowed down, clutching his side with squinting eyes. _Damn iiit! _He thought, trying desperately not to sink in place. The cheers from the loud crowd weren't helping, either. _I can't lose!_

He watched as Sasuke quickly passed him when Naruto took hold of the concrete wall. The only thing keeping him from sinking to the bottom of the deep end.

_C'mon! Just bite it and keep going!!_

The word troublesome came to mind as he thought of his best friend, Shikamaru, who wouldn't have been put into such a predicament in the first place. Although, he could only imagine what the boy would say to him now.

_"That's what you get for putting yourself into troublesome situations."_

That really didn't help, although it was true. Naruto never thinks before he acts...kind of like what he's doing now.

The blonde winced as he kick started himself back into his lane. He let go of his side, allowing the ripping sensation to continue as he jetted as fast as he could back to Sasuke's pace. Said boy was already half way ahead, and began his fourth lap as Naruto reached the middle of the pool.

It was harder now to catch up to him. He was out of breath and his heart was racing like mad. The pain of the cramp had dulled to a small sting now as he reached his final lap.

He barely touched the tip of the concrete wall as he met Sasuke's tired look with his own. He was at least satisfied to know the Uchiha wasn't as invincible as he pretended to be, but not nearly as happy as he was going to be when he saw the look on his face...

As Naruto won.

By the skin of his teeth, but still, Naruto would take it. A victory is a victory.

"Uzumaki is victor, gentlemen!!" The man version of Lee announced. Slight surprise was evident in his voice.

Sasuke never took defeat well, but he didn't seem to show it in his stoic expression.

He pulled himself out of the pool, his navy blue trunks dripping wet as he approached Naruto. Naruto shook his blonde hair like a dog, turning it back to its spikey self, with a grin.

His smile slipped when he noticed a pale hand extended to him. He raised an eyebrow at the taller boy.

"You won this round, but I don't intend to lose the next...still, I underestimated you." Sasuke said. He was devoid of most emotion, but respect was apparent.

Naruto smiled again. "You sure did!" He happily took Sasuke's hand in a shake, but his blue eyes shown with pure determination. "But neither do I."

* * *

**Naruto had to win the second round...or else there wouldn't be a third!  
Hm...there doesn't seem to be much boyxboy, although this is supposed to be a yaoi fic! I'll make sure there's more action once the damn third round is out of the way! Sasuke and Naruto aren't the only pairing here! BELIEVE IT!!!! (-slaps self- Don't ever do that again!)**


	7. Finish Line

**Define Dysfunction**

**Chapter Six: Finish Line**

* * *

"So begins the final event! They sprint to the finish line! this shall test their spirit of youth!! This is a clear competition eternal rivals! Right, Kakashi?" 

"Eh...sure, Gai." The silver haired man on the bleachers shrugged, boredly flipping to the next page of his book. He didn't share the gym teacher's enthusiasm.

"You'd better believe it!" He turned to the crowd and gave a thumbs up before looking to the racing track. "Now lets get this race underway!"

"Are the competitors ready?" Lee asked into his seperate microphone, as he stood besides his idol.

"Yeah, yeah! Let's just start already!" Naruto yelled into his cupped hands.

"No need to rush things, Naruto-kun!" Lee responded.

Naruto now wore orange shorts that reached past his knees and a white tank. Sasuke stood a few feet to his left, wearing similar clothing, but with black pants.

"Yosh!" Lee answered in just as loudly over the chattering crowd.

"On your marks, then..." Gai began. The bleachers began to quiet down.

Naruto noticed an unfamiliar red head sitting besides Shino and Kiba, staring at him intently.

Naruto blinked back at him, almost losing sight of the race as the announcer exclaimed "GO!"

"Eh!?" Naruto looked to his left to find the quickly retreating back of Sasuke. "Damn!"

Getting yet another late start, Naruto began to run top speed. It was easier than he thought to catch up to his rival, though...

_Of course! _Naruto remembered now not to eat _at all _before the final event...of course now his stomache was growling, but that only fueled him further to finish this so he can sit down and enjoy a nice, steaming bowl of ramen!

Besides, Naruto seemed to be in better physical condition than Sasuke...and yet they were both beginning to already lose breath, and they only ran 20 yards, this being the 100 yard dash. Still had a lot more ground to cover...

If only they were given longer than the 10 minute walk from the pool to the field to regain their energy.

"Why...don't you...give up...?" Sasuke asked besides him.

"Stop wasting...your breath...temeee..!" Naruto almost tripped. He looked down. Great. His shoe was untied.

He was just barely ahead of Sasuke on the 80 yard marker. They were both already beginning to slow down.

"Damn...need to...get in...shape..." Naruto huffed.

"Thought...you were...baka...brag enough..." Sasuke replied, a few feet behind him.

"Shut up...still gonna win..."

By this time they were both at a jog almost completely out of breath.

95...100

Naruto immediately fell to his knees. He won and he wasn't too tired to crack a smile as he looked up at Sasuke, who was leaning on his own knees, but towering above Naruto as he blocked out the sun.

"Told ya I'd win."

**

* * *

(Lol I'm sorry I made them seem out of shape...) **

Er, well, of course he wins! He's the main character!! It was either that or come up with a dramatic tie...!

Hm...and I suppose I should put up the pairings for this in advance. If it says _slight_ before the pairing, that means they probably won't have a lemon or do anything _too_ explicit...probably:

**Sasuke x Naruto  
****Kiba x Shino  
****Neji x Lee  
****Sasori x Deidara  
Gaara x Haku  
****slight Itachi x Kisame  
****slight Kakashi x Iruka  
****onesided Hinata x Naruto (aw T.T)  
onesided Sakura x Sasuke (mueheheh)**

And so begins the romance (_finally_ after six chapters of tiny arsed hints)! strikes Gai pose From the next chapter on the rating is T to M!


	8. Home Room

**Define Dysfunction**

**Thank you! This has reached past 50 reviews! That's more than I thought I'd get! XD Thank you thank you thank you!!**

**WARNING: boyxboy content alert! You've been warned.**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x  
Chapter Seven: Home Room  
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

It took all Shino had to think straight enough to look to the electric clock above the bed, which read 6:45am. "...haa..ngh...K-Kiba..."

Doing this asearly as it as...it was almost unthinkable...really, how did he let the dog boy talk him into this? He was half asleep when the rambunctious boy had already torn off his boxers.

"S-stop..." Shino gasped, trying to clear his head. "Kib-_ah_..." He tried pushing against the tanned boy's chest, but to no avail. He didn't have the motivation to actually stop the stronger male, let alone the strength to overcome Kiba's lust, said person only enjoying the sight of Shino's "suffering".

Kiba bucked harder into the opening of the Aburame as he continued the rhythmic thrusts. "You're hot when you stutter...y'know?" He breathed, a drip of sweat making its way down the side of his face as he thrusted once more into the tight, pale boy beneath him.

"No...class...st-nngh..." Shino moaned, every inch of his being flared with heat. "Stop...ah!"

He began to care less whether or not they were late, even if he _was _known for being the "responsible one" of Class A.

"_Stop_...?" Kiba growled, his face flushed as he moved his head back from the bottom teen's shoulder to meet shino's copper brown eyes. He was halfway between climax. There was no way in **hell** he could just _stop._ "You and I both know...that's _not_ happening..." And as if to prove his point, he pushed roughly into the paler student who did everything to hold back a loud gasp at the sensation he was given.

His breath tickled Shino's neck as he spoke, sending a shiver down his spine. He finally gave in. He would allow Kiba to continue and finish. He really wasn't complaining...

But now he was. 

"And now we're late thanks to you..." Shino fumed, now fully clothed and walking alongside his lover along the empty hall. His eyes and the majority of his face were once again covered in his usual attire.

"Don't kid yourself. Like you have anything to nag about." Kiba grinned. He turned at the sound of a familiar bark. Akamaru caught up to the two, hopping up Kiba's offered arm, onto his shoulder, and into his coat.

"And where have you been?" Kiba asked with a false scolding tone. He was answered with a series of barks.

They entered the class with the letter 7 on the right of the door and the name Hatake Kakashi below it.

"Ha! What were you getting worked up over? Sensei's not here yet, like always." Kiba laughed, placing a hand on Shino's lap.

Shino wordlessly took a seat in the front row, Kiba behind him, who then turned noticing his boyfriend was giving him the cold shoulder as he began to read a book he picked up the day before.

"I get the point." Kiba growled, turning in his seat to face the newest addition to Konoha Academy. "So, how you doin' bunking with the Uchiha?"

Kiba looked over Naruto's shoulder and nodded to Chouji behind the blonde in recognition. The chunky boy nodded back, slipping a piece of red licorice into his mouth.

Naruto frowned. He just had to ask.

"Badly...he snores." Naruto lowered his voice.

"If I remember right, Uzumaki, it was you doing the snoring." The very same Uchiha was behind him.

Naruto turned, pointing at the taller boy. "_Ah_ _great_! We're in the same class, too?" His eye twitched.

Sasuke rolled his eyes and took a seat to Naruto's left. "Baka."

"Heh. There's a good chance you share all his classes, since you're in the same homeroom." Kiba said, laughing at Naruto's expression. "Better get used to it!"

"I would stop, Kiba-kun. I think you're scaring him a bit."

A soft but firm voice came from their right. Naruto and Kiba looked up to see a person with cinnamon brown eyes, pale white skin, long black hair in a loose ponytail in the back, and a pink kimono.

"A girl?" Naruto asked, squinting his eyes uncertainly.

Kiba looked at Naruto with wide eyes before bursting into a fit of laughter. "A girl! hahahahahah! You hear that, Haku!?"

"What's wrong?" Naruto frowned, not liking the giddy personality of the boy. "She is a girl, right??"

"Dobe. This is an all boys school." Sasuke said. He was back to that stoic expression, his eyes closed, and his chin resting in his hands as he sat upright.

Naruto looked between Sasuke, to Kiba, and then this "girl" figure in confusion.

He wanted some peace and quiet and since no one else seemed to be taking the liberty to enlighten the ditzy blonde, Shino took it upon himself to drop his book in its place, turn around, and look straight at Naruto...and as if Naruto wasn't creeped out enough by the guy, his sunglasses flashed mysteriously.

He worded it simply, so that even someone as slow as Naruto could understand.

"_She's a boy_."

"N-nani!?" He gave them a weird look, recieving a small laugh from Haku.

_But...she...**he's** even prettier than Sakura-chan!!_ He thought in alarm.

"Sorry I'm late, everyone...I got lost on the hallway to paradise. Please take a seat Haku."

"Hai." Haku bowed his head slightly to the front of the room and quickly took a seat behind another student Naruto hasn't met. A red head that looked like he needed some serious sleep. The teal eyed boy began to stare at him, making Naruto feel uneasy.

A silver haired man in his early 30's appeared at the front of the room, sitting on the edge of his desk.

Naruto didn't see him come in but according to him it must have been just now.

"There you go doing that ninja stuff again, Kakashi-sensei." Kiba frowned. He seemed slightly surprised as well. "Sneaking in here like that. No one noticed, right?"

Shino frowned. "I was reading...even Sasuke had his eyes closed. Kiba your back was turned to the door...we were all busy with something. He could easily have entered without us noticing."

Kakashi smiled...okay you couldn't really tell, but his eyes held an amused sort of gleam. "Shino has a good point, Kiba, so you have no more reason to suspect that I'm a ninja."

_If he doesn't wanna be called a ninja then why's his face all covered like that?_ Naruto thought with a frown. _This school is weird..._

"Yeah, whatever..." He frowned, leaning back in his chair. He shot Kakashi a suspicious look.

"Hm..." Kakashi turned his attention to Naruto. "We appear to have a new student. Welcome to class 7..." He picked up a sheet from his desk. "Uzumaki, Naruto..." His eyes held a displeased look. "You two..." He began, not looking at the door. "You had better have a good excuse for being late to my class."

"Like you're one to talk." Kiba mumbled with folded arms.

The first thing Naruto heard was crunching before a plump boy with red swirls on his cheeks walked through the door carrying a bag of chips.

Kakashi pointed to the garbage. The boy obeyed, removing the last chip and placing it in his mouth with a satisfied "crunch" before dropping the empty bag into the bin.

"I missed breakfast." The chunky teen said, walking carelessly to his seat behind Naruto.

Kakashi sighed. "I'll let it pass, Chouji, so long as you don't make a habit of forgetting."

The rest of the class, who Naruto wasn't acquainted with, whispered amongst themselves as the grey haired teacher went on with the school announcements. He could feel their eyes on him, which was making him more uncomfortable than he already was.

The blonde shifted in his seat, returning the stare of a random boy in one of the front seats. The guy quickly turned in surprise, turning what appeared to be red.

Naruto raised an eyebrow. Then a slow look of realization swept his features and he calmed himself. They all must be scared of him now that he's defeated the school's "tough guy".

He leaned back in his seat as if he hadn't a care in the world. Oh yeah. He rules.

Meanwhile a certain teal eyed teen was leering straight at the whiskered boy's face. As if staring straight into his soul. Why the Uzumaki boy hadn't turned, he didn't know. Must not have much of a 6th sense. But that's besides the point.

Something about the Uzumaki boy caught Gaara's interest. He hadn't seen a mood change that quickly since Shino began seeing Kiba. Because during Gaara's observations as Naruto sat there, staring ahead blankly, he noticed the blonde had turned from pure long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs nervous, to as calm as humanly possible. He was smiling, even.

Gaara was perplexed, to say the least...if not the slightest bit attracted.

Naruto's blue orbs met his as Gaara finally noticed the loud boy had been looking at him in the corner of his eye. Gaara turned his head with the ever present rock hard expression, looking to their mentor.

_What a weird guy..._ Naruto thought with a raised eyebrow. He quickly shrugged, trying to make sense of Kakashi's words...curse his short attention span!

"Any questions?" Kakashi asked, sitting halfway off his desk.

Naruto looked about the room, before leaning forwards in his desk and shooting his hand upwards. He began to wave it like mad. "Me! Me!"

Kakashi pointed. "Yes, Naruto."

Naruto scratched his cheek, grinning. "Could you...repeat that?"

Sasuke's eye twitched from Naruto's left. "Dobe." He muttered.

* * *

**That was pathetic. I haven't written many successful lemons in the past so don't flame me if it sucked! I'm going to go drown my sorrows with a tub of icecream now. Next stop: my thighs.**


	9. Sai

Oh ehm gee, a _year (give or take)_and I haven't updated?! I guess somewhere along the line I lost track of this account. Eheh... . About time I get crackin', then. Make up for lost time...

* * *

Chapter N9ne : Sa**_i_**  
--

**Dattebayo has signed in**

**TooDamnTroublesome:** Hey.

**Dattebayo: **Watsup u emailed me right?

**TooDamnTroublesome: **Yeah. Iruka said we're still visiting in three weeks. Hinata's coming, too.

**Dattebayo: **that all? cool i got class ya know

**TooDamnTroublesome: **That's not all. Sakura doesn't have anywhere else to stay then, since her parents will be out of town for two weeks. She's staying with Iruka and will also be tagging along.

**Dattebayo: **WAT NO WAY11!! SRSLY

**TooDamnTroublesome:** It's only been a week. You pretend you've been there for years. Troublesome.

**Dattebayo: **u just made my day shikamaru! but i gtg class starts now

**TooDamnTroublesome:** Message me later, there's still something I want to talk about. See ya.

**TooDamnTroublesome has logged off**

Naruto clicked the laptop shut, leaning back in the computer chair with arms folded behind his head. A large smile spread across his face.

This was the best good news he's had in awhile. Nothing could damper his spirits now. Nothing.

Sure, the school wasn't _so _bad. The people there just seemed...sort of...different...in a way Naruto couldn't quite place, and yet it seemed so obvious. But thinking like that made Naruto's head hurt so he simply took to observing. They were nice enough. Maybe he was simply too used to the guys back home. The ones who, with the exception of Shikamaru, only looked forward to showing off how better they were at everything, talking about girls, and talking about what they've done _with_ girls.

In fact, you'd think with the improved crowd (at least in amount) Naruto hung with now, at least one of them would bring a girlfriend around once in awhile. Maybe on the weekends? Even naruto isn't that thick. He'd seen a few of the other students on their days off with females but they were few and far between...(1)

In fact it seemed like the only ones they did spend time with were each other and the rest of the students at that school...odd.

The answer's there somewhere. Hidden. He just knows it...but what?

Loud rapping at the door caught his attention and Lee's voice sounded through the door.

"Naruto, class is starting!"

--

"You wanted to see me?" Kakashi leaned against the frame of the half opened doorway.

"Yes, Kakashi, come in." Tsunade ushered.

Kakashi's visible eye scrolled over Asuma, Gai, and Ibiki. Standing between the last two, before the desk, he noticed a man he wasn't familiar with and a younger boy at his side.

It was a pale teen with black hair and eyes, a sketch pad held at his side. "Sai." Tsunade introduced for him.

"And this is Yamato." She nodded to the man with black eyes, resembling a feline's.

"Nice to meet you all." He greeted the teachers.

"Now, I'm going to cut to the chase. Not a word said from here on in will leave this room, understood?"

Kakashi noticed the door had been shut behind him. Ibiki, the closest, also must have locked it.

"Sai is part of an underground group of elite called 'Roots'. If you do not already know, Roots is primarily made up of children who show special abilities from early in their childhood. In Sai's case it was undercover work, among others. He will be attending the academy for reasons even I am unsure of at the moment- but I believe it involves not only members of the staff, but some students as well. I have called each of you here because you are my most trusted of subordinates."

"So, basically, if things go awry you need to know we'll be around to lend a hand, right?" Kakashi asked.

Tsunade nodded. She was obviously on edge about this entire ordeal.

"Don't worry, you can count on us Tsunade-sama!" Gai nodded. Ibiki did the same.

"Good." She smiled, relieved. Then, turning to Yamato she dipped her head in a slow nod. "All of you, simply keep wary of the rest of the staff...particularly the science wing...and Yamato, you do your part." (2)

--

Naruto gave a big yawn, rubbing his right eye with the back of his hand. What was the deal with Gai-sensei?? Run here, run there! He had the energy of a sugar high five year old.

"Come on, now, Naruto! Keep up, you're bringing the rest of the class down!" He hyped, walking circles around the exhausted Naruto.

Like everyone were doing any better. He'd been making them run like a drill sergeant.

"If you can't finish five more miles today, then we shall make it 10 tomorrow!" Gai yelled enthusiastically.

"Or perhaps 20, Gai-sensei!" Lee piped.

"That's shooting for the stars, my star pupil!!" He flashed a thumbs up.

"Don't encourage him." Naruto muttered, uncapping his water bottle, he sucked the thing dry before discarding it.

"You really shouldn't litter." A silky voice said from the right.

"Hey, Haku." Naruto smiled, taking the moment of Gai's distraction to slow down to a walk.

"Having fun, I see." He smiled back.

"Well, I wouldn't call it that..." Naruto frowned. Haku laughed lightly at this.

It was strange, almost like talking to a girl when Naruto was around the boy. He was just_ that_ feminine.

Naruto scratched his head sheepishly. "Yeah..."

It was that different feeling again. Like he almost knew something, something scratching beneath the surface...

WHAM!

Naruto was thrown forward, to his knees. Whatever had just rammed him in the head bounced and rolled a few feet away.

"Naruto, are you alright?" Haku asked in concern, immediately by his side.

Shaking the daze and stars from his head, Naruto was immediately on the offensive. Grabbing the football, Naruto turned and glared daggers at the nearest living being on field.

"Okay, who the hell threw that?!" He demanded.

No one fessed up at first, not until he turned to see someone he hadn't met before, sitting in the stands.

"Interesting." The stark white boy said, without even looking up, once he felt Naruto's eyes on him. "The way you acted was just as I predicted. Naruto Uzumaki." He finally looked up, giving the most ghostly of smiles.

* * *

(1) You can't expect the _entire _school to be gay...I'd say roughly 70 And yes, all the straight guys- but Naruto- know this to be true.

(2) Do I sense an actual plot?

I remember typing up an outline of the next three chapters a while back and all of them have been deleted. I mean it's understandable, they were well past their expiration dates, gathering dust in my documents on ffnet... but I think I had some pretty good ideas and now the story just doesn't_ feel_right. Like it's missing something. Hmm...filler chapters?

Btw, I'm half awake writing this. Bare with me if there are any mistakes...I'm gonna go take a nap now...

Kurosin has passed out from dizziness. Feel free to write squiggly lines on her face or take her personal possessions whilst she is no longer conscious!


End file.
